Some more cool photos...

I've been reminiscing...

And a map of the route we took.

End of a Degree

One of things I am wondering as I near the end of my degree is what I have learnt. I think from the outset I thought by the end of my degree I would find myself qualified to tackle a set of problems. I don't think this is the case. I do feel a little more equipped. But mostly I feel a lot more aware of how much there is to learn in the fields I have studied. How big and complex the problems are. How naïve I was five years ago. Now I get a sense that I am no genius, and my contributions will be minor, if I have anything to offer at all. It's all a little humbling I guess.

I think another thing I have found is more something that I have not found. It's the realisation that I don't want to work in any areas I have studied so far; that I haven't found something that I have enough passion about to study for the rest of my career. It's not that I don't think the areas I have studied are interesting or important, it's more that I realise now that being an academic is not where I wish to begin. That's another important discovery.

I have also uncovered that degrees are about empowerment. Having a piece of paper with a degree stamped on it in your hand doesn't mean you are able to work in that particular field--even if it has good grades on that sheet of paper in your hand. Degrees should teach you how to engage with a problem, how to go about solving it. The main thing the teach you, shouldn't be the laws of the universe and the 9 secret steps to success. Not even in science. Instead they should be about preparing you to deal with problems as they arise, engaging your mind to deal with an area or topic so that you can contribute something new and useful to that area. Maybe it's different in law or medicine, but even their I think that a degree is only a beginning to a excellent career.

Degrees are also stressful. Especially for people like me, who can get stressed out just by an essay worth 10%. People who are perfectionists that are never satisfied with their work and go mad trying to perfect it. However, this seems to be a decent portion of the people that are at university.

Hmm, so was it worthwhile? I think so. I am about to start another one (hopefully), so I guess I do seem to be acting like I think it is worthwhile. I guess I would say that you should study because you are interested not solely out of career development aspirations. There are surely different ways to get a good career other than a degree. I would recommend them to anyone who doesn't actually like the type of learning suggested above.

That said, all in all, I feel like I am glad to have done my course. I know some interesting and useful things now, and I also know how to find many more things out.

Ups and Downs

This last few weeks have been a bit all over the place. First exams, then holidays. Feeling sad, then feeling great. Its been strange but I'm on the up at the moment, which is good. Today was an especially good day. I booked a holiday to Sydney to see my sister, something I have been wanting to do for a while now. I also worked in the lab and my whole experiment was a success, meaning I haven't spent the rest of the week or so setting it up for no reason! Life has been generally busy, but unfortunately I haven't felt so inspired to write much in my blog. I think I need some more comments from people and inspiration for myself. I do however have a lovely picture, one I have been meaning to upload for a while now. Oh and a not so lovely picture too (but one that proves I rode from Adelaide to Melbourne)!

Plains

Upon the plain of Shinar, upon the plain, we build with stone. We place them on another's back. And as he carries the stone to its place, we yell and chant, religiously. The whip cracks, and mercilessly the carts plough on. Our success is certain, our future defined, not for you or for me, but for us.
But this faith is a void, it is not the bond between men that we worship. It is the bound Man. The bound God. The bound King. We lift this King to praise him not because of his qualities, but because he is our King. Ours, owned, made, mannequin, idle, idol.
The whole is not the sum of its parts, it is less. For the whole speaking with one voice, condemns and crushes, this is why we have many voices. To speak many parts of truth. There is no Truth. But there are truths.

Today in the Philosophy section of the Bookstore

I sat and browsed through a whole range of books. Its strange to think of all the lives spent devoted to different topics of sometimes quite abstract problems.

Then on the train home I listened to a new favourite of mine, the ABC's Philosopher's Zone. It discussed the importance of understanding a philosopher's life to understanding their philosophy. Somehow this seemed just, that we the present who have benefited from all the devotion of previous philosophers, should return the favour--in some ways--by devoting some of our time to discovering who they were and where there ideas might have sprung from.

Anyway, the radio discussion was centred on the lives of two great philosophers. Bertrand Russell and Ludwig Wittgenstein, both British, both known for their skepticism. However, the interviewee was making the point that Wittgenstein actually had been misrepresented by some philsophers as a logical positivist, and that while he held positivist-ic views on language he was also a mystic and inspired by the religious.

For all you who have switched off once the topic of school's of philosophy was broached, don't fear, I am no master of these ideas either, but still I will try and explain a little. Wittgenstein was thought to be arguing that we can't speak meaningfully of anything that we can't empirically test (i.e. if you can't point to the thing you are describing, then you are talking gibberish). Instead, however, Wittgenstein was saying that these are the topics we can logically deal with, but he in no way excluded a mystical/spritual realm from existing. He closed his book by saying "Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent", and he meant by this--contra the positivists--not that the silent things we should ignore, but merely we cannot master them by thought or reason. Such an interesting thought.

This brings up another thought in my mind: as a student, I spend a lot of time reading different authors, and I guess the way the disciplines segment knowledge means you only meet the author of a piece on one particular topic (or a few if you have read them before). But this leaves so much out, and I guess I wonder if we need that more biographical approach--to test the measure of a person by knowing something of their biography, their life, their passions, &c. is not as entirely irrelevant to their ideas as we sometimes assume.

Results are in

For those of you who haven't heard: I got the result to my Gamsat and I ended up with a score of 71 which equates to being around the top 2% (**Steve beams a large--maybe a little proud--smile**). This means I should get an interview at Usyd, and hopefully will be heading up there next year to start Medicine.

Its been a stressful wait as I actually didn't think I had done that well, because it was a tough exam. Definitely has been a relief to finally get the result. Anyway, big thanks to Tim and Catherine who hosted/helped in my study and to Katie for all her efforts at study-inducement and her Organic Chem 101 course.

On Betrayal...

I just finished reading the most amazing commentary on a series of letters a "follower" of Immanuel Kant wrote to him, and his replies. They capture an inconsistency between his thought and action, and are an amazing concise discussion of this concept of betrayal. They have a certain amount of "weighty-ness" to them as they are things that actually happened, lives affected by the philosophy of Kant--I do believe that historical events always do have that extra gravitas than the made up illustrations that philosophers often use. I highly recommend this reading, they urge the reader toward integrity through the moral that becomes clear through the dialogues. I felt, upon reading them, a real resonance not just with the commentary but with the reality of the whole scenario.

Here they are.

Starting a new job

Tomorrow I am starting a studentship in the Microbiology department. I am going to be doing a research project in the Kent lab around something to do with HIV vaccine development. I am not exactly sure what, but maybe something around different types of immune responses in HIV.

Meanwhile, I just got back a paper that I wrote, in which I argue that HIV is best dealt with not by focusing on new developments but by dealing with current inequalities of the world system. I know this is a bit conflicting but I do believe there are merits to both approaches.

The essay is here. If you are interested.

Being grateful...

I'm a pretty critical person, I like to know the answers to things, and I like to argue. These things mean I am not always the best at being grateful or saying thank you. Its a shame. Because really I have many people who have taught me a lot in my life, many people who have picked me up when I was down (sorry for the clichéd saying), and many people who have cared what I think, feel, do, believe in, care about, and attempt to achieve.

A blog post can't make up for all these omissions obviously. But perhaps you will recognize a thank you, and feel some of the appreciation you deserve. Or maybe, even, it will be a bit of turn-around for me just writing this, and if that helps me to be more grateful it will also be worthwhile. We will see.

I think that the picture that sometimes comes to mind when I consider the people who have helped me in my life is that of an angel. Not one of those wimpy white clothed fairy-like puffs of light. A sage. A messenger. A guide. I sometimes think of those people who have stepped into my life as all of those things.

So is that you I am talking about? I don't know whose reading this, but it is quite possible. If you have loved me when I was really in need of love, then yes. If you cared for me when I was depressed by giving me a kind word, a piece of positive advice, or even just some comraderie, then yes.

But I can be even more specific than that (but not too specific!).

Thank you to the person who always shared deep and meaningful conversations with me when I was depressed. The ability to talk and think and reflect with another mind is truly sacred. Every thought and every moment may not be perfect. But its in these shared moments I have found so much more energy to draw upon.

Thank you to the person who has been a open and considerate friend (and lover) to me. Your kindness and love is not only in the amazing things you do for me, but also in all those things you make sure to omit. Freedom from manipulation and deep consideration about how you act is a very loving gift. As are all the other things we share. Thank you.

Thank you to the friends who I met in my loneliness in Africa. Your friendship, insights, and just warm and relaxing personalities helped me to find a new place in the world. A more human form of myself. I loved how we talked philosophy, how we had this feeling that the answer was always imminent and beautiful. This aesthete of thought is a thing I still seek, I hope you do too. Thank you.

Thank you to the complex person who was never boring and always exhilarating. Your mind amazes me. Your abilities are enormous, and sometimes I felt dwarfed by them. But you never tried to do this. I am glad I met you and glad that so many moments were shared. These seem to be a sort of golden age for me in some ways. I thank you.

Thank you to three other persons all who have been friends and people to bounce ideas off. Your thoughts are (nearly) always stimulating and, I don't know how to express this, but I just love to share thoughts. They are like a good meal to me. It's an act of hospitality to share them. Your thoughts are--if I may extend the analogy--a food that gives me a fair amount of sustenance and enjoyment. Thank you.

I can't put everything I want to say all in to the words that seem fitting. I guess that sometimes its up to other deeds to express it all. Yet I still hope these "thank you's" capture at least some of the deep appreciation I have for all of you. If in doubt, its probably you, or at leastapplicable to you, and I want be upset if you claim a "thank you" you think you deserve. Chances are, you probably do.

Gamsat is done!

I just finished the GAMSAT (the graduate entrance exam for medicine). It has three parts: social reasoning, a two essays to write from a two sets of quotes, and a physical and biological sciences reasoning section. It was a hard slog. It took 8 hours for the whole deal, about 6 hrs of it actually in the exam hall. Overall I think I did okay, but it was really tough (especially the last section). It will be great to have the chance to relax a bit now and wait for the results in May.